Hello ...............You Have Reached...........

Hello, you have reached the mega giant, nameless,faceless, heartless utility company. If you would like to speak with a customer representitive please enter in your 13 digit account number........grumble, grumble ok lets see oh here it is 45839 ------ 5510062----1 . You have entered 45839-------5510062------1 if this is correct please press # 1 or #2 if it isn`t. # 1 If you would like to continue this call in English please press # 1 Se hablo grrrrrrrrrrr why don`t they make the wetbacks speak english .....after all this is America #1 Please listen to our menue selections carefully as the selections may have been changed. To become a new subscriber please press the # 1. To speak to our commercial division please press the # 2. To speak to our award winning repair department please press the # 3. To report the theft of services please press the # 4 To speak to someone in our billing dept please press the # 5 or the # 6 if it is concerning a commercial account.To make a payment arrangement please press the #7 and if you wish to report a emergency such as downed wires or a gas or water leak please press # 8 All others please hold and a customer representitive will be with you as soon as possible. Alright lets see what I wanted to do .........oh yeah make a payment arangement so I press # 7 and I hear ring.................ring..................ring............. Hello all our customer service representitives are currently helping our other valued cusomers so please hold and a customer service representitive will answer your call in the order it was recieved. There will be a 27 minute wait from this point. tic toc tic toc tic toc time goes sooooo slowly when you are on hold...........Hello this is to remind you that our representitives are still busy and will be with you as soon as possible. There will be a approximately a four min wait from here. tic toc tic toc tic toc ring ............ring..........ring...........damn these last few minutes are the longest ones ..............Hello my name is Achmed and you have reached the billing dept, how may I help you? Oh hiya Achmed I want to make a payment arrangement on my act. Ok sir may I have your 13 digit act number? grrrrrrrr Hey Achmed I had to enter that in in order to speak to you..... Oh I see ,its policy, ok all right hang on ......ok here it is45839-------5510062-------1 O K sir may I please have the service address for confirmation oh and I must tell you sir that this call may be recorded and used for training purposes Oh all righty then Achmed, it s 1313 Mockingbird Lane ,Why On Earth Do I Bother, New Mexico 19537-4421 All right Sir May I have the answer to your secret question in order to confirm your identity? Damn Achmed I didn`t have to go throught this much crap when I was cleared for top secret gubmint werk back in the 60'S , well if I gotta I gotta......... the answer is my teddybear.All right Sir How may I help you? I already told you Achmed I want to make a payment arrangment on my account. Well Sir you have not told me what you would like the arrangement to be.Oh......... I would like to make a payment over the phone Oh ok sir would you be using a credit card or a check by phone............I think I will use my credit card Achmed if that is all the same to you. Oh yes sir that is fine. I must put my supervisor on the line with us to confirm your card numbers and that it is ok to place a charge on your card. Please hold Sir. Click.........Tic Toc Tic Toc Tic Toc Helo Sir my supervisor is on the line with us now her name is Janiqua . Hello sir my name is Janiqua and I am Achmeds immediate supervisor and the reason I am on the line is be sure that all proper proceedures are being followed. Would you please answer your secret question for me sir so that i know it is you? Again ????I just gave it up to Achmed . Yes sir I know that but I am sure you understand that these procedures are for your personel safety sir ........ Well ok Janiqua..... teddy bear ( I swear I can hear a very tiny snort and a little giggle come from ol Janigua ) All right you may proceed Achmed everything seems to be in order All righty Sir could you tell me what credit card you are using today........... Sure it would be my Bank Of Bagdad ops sorry I mean Bank of America. Oh no problem sir what is your card number lets see it is 5218742-66832-001. Ok its 5218742-66832-001 is that correct. Yes Achmed. Ok sir when does it expire? Ah lets see June of 2007. Ok sir june of 2007 What is your code on the back of the card sir? lets see 992 Ok and whose name is the card in sir? Ah It is my wifes the lithe and lovely Esmerelda Oh sir is your name not on the card? No it is only hers. I see Sir is she there? Uh no she is werking that is how we have credit cards....... she werks and gives me money to pay the bills.......... I see sir but I can`t allow this transaction because the card is not in your name. Oh achmed andJaniqua your telling me you wont accept my payment cause I am using my wifes card is that right? yes sir that is the case ..... well then Achmed how am I supposed to make this payment Oh sir you can use your checking account but there is a $9.95 fee for check processing would you be interested in that sir? Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr yes Achmed I gotta get this bill paid before they turn off my service. Ok sir I`m gonna put you on hold till I can get the checking supervisor on line with my self and Janiqua and of course you sir. Please hold. click. Tic Toc Tic Toc Tic Toc CLICK WHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR If you would like to make a call please hang up and try again.............wrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr If you would like to make a call please hang up and try again...................................wrrrrrrrrrrrrr if you would...........At this point I ,well so they tell ,me threw the phone so hard against the wall it bounced back and put a goose egg on my forehead and knocked me out coder than Theresa Hienzes heart. What ever happened to ring..........ring....hello you have reached the Acme utility company how may I help you. Wanna know why the economy seems to be failing at times? Because people should be having these jobs not some ultra- sophisticated computer system answering the phones and sooner or later (usually later) hook ya up with a human in calcutta cause when you live in the black hole of calcutta any job looks good Damn i loved it when you went to town and paid cash to a clerk in the utility payment center. How radical........ pay all your utilities in one place to one clerk at one time. New never means better does it?