A Ongoing Tale........

It seems so long ago when I told you good people that I had decided that I would undergo gastric by-pass surgery in a effort to help me lose some weight and become once more, a productive member of society and more importantly my family. Finally I have been able to talk my primary care physcian into helping me accomplish this very thing.
I had a doctors appointment on Wedensday morning and as always, his office was crowded. He has a tendency to overbook,God forbid he should have a five minute gap between patients, we wouldn't want him to be unproductive even for a moment. It probably means the difference between him driving the basic Cadilac sedan or that hottest new edition Porshe that has been on all the commercials. At least he has the decency to install a high def TV with souround sound in the waiting room and a smaller version in each of the exam rooms. I thought it was very considerate of him to go to that expense for his patients, but I came to find out that it was to provide better patient privacy so he isn't looking at the business end of a law suit. I guess as my mother in law always said "what you see may not always be the fish you are being sold."
After a 1.5 hour wait I was pleased to see his nurse hang a sign on my door that said simply~ doc next ~ I am so much more at ease knowing that he has to be told who is up next.As is his custom he came in and asked what was the reason I was here today and what was bothering me. I had to refresh his memory as to my reason for being there is to get his referral for gastric by- pass surgery. You would think that somewhere in that weighty file placed on the door for his perusal that he would notice that I can not even weigh on his scale any longer.Perhaps he sould get one of those really attractive freight scales with the LED display. That always is patient friendly when he dosen't have to yell out to his staff to see if I can go over to the meat market accross the street for a accurate weight.
After much cajoling I finally convinced him that I could wait no longer and that if I don`t get on with this process damned soon He could just as well come to the funeral and after a decent time has gone by, make the wifie a decent offer on the property.He had his staff pull out all of the surgens in this area who do this surgery and will accept my insurance and it was whitled down mearcefully to three groups. I recieved instructions to call them all and attempt to make my appointment as soon as humanly possible and that he would do all he could by way of letters and recomendtions to help me get this going on. Wooooo Hooooooo On the way !!!!!!!!!!!
Well enough of that jocularity reality sat in when I called the top one on the list and his staff said sorry he no longer accepts that insurance. Undaunted I called #2 on the sheet. His staff said he only does a not really good version of the proceedure . He uses a banding method and it in reality is fraught with peril.On to good ol #3. Her staff tells me she only will accept patients that have been on a 6 month supervised diet. Well I have been on with my primry care guy and the staff tells me he would have to confirm that in writing . No problem he said he would so I am still hopefull. Next they wanted almost a complete history over the phone and of course ,desperate now I complied. They told me that they will send out a packet of information asap and to look for it in the mail. True to their word it came today. I eagerly tore this weighty document open only to find about fifty pages of info about the process and its indications for doing it and possible problems and expected stages of recovery and almost every thing you could want to know including 10 web sites,where I could get almost any question answered at any time of the day.That I'm sure will come in very handy good to be informed about things.
IT ALSO HAD a 34 page questionair about what drugs i am on and why and the dosages and how long and pevious surgeries and othe problems and how my ancestery has helped me be in this pedicament in the first place. It took two and a half hours to gather all this information and record it dutifully in each of the little boxes they provided. I folded it carefully and put it in the envelope they so thoughtfully provided and licked the awfull tasting glue,sealed the flap and even spread the brass tab for additional security. I turned it over in my hands to be certain that their label was adequately affixed when i n o t i c e d t h a t
t h e a d d r e s s w a s ......................Magee Womans Hospital. Imagine my chagrin when I saw that. I called ,holding my breath, and the staff member informed me that it is ok that they work on men also now.
So I guess I am under way now .......I will keep you posted as to what where when and how. I thought this would make for some interesting reading ,if you dear readers think not please tell me.